i would like to say that i spent this first christmas alone with my nose in the Bible finding strength and joy in the fact that God came to us as a baby to show us true life. i wish i could say that this Christmas i studied the word and grew closer to the Lord. i wanted to start this blog with something like, "i had no presents, no family, only God, and that made it the best Christmas ever." but i can't. actually this Christmas was a rollercoaster ride of emotions, due in part by the fact that in a time of loneliness i didn't rely on my Rock, my Savior, to fill the emptiness in my heart. the hot dusty days mocked what christmas feeling i did find in listening to "frosty the snowman," and the goat intestines and rice(those are the holiday goodies--yay for me) just didn't bring the smile to my face that a nice turkey would have. of course, i could have done what we are supposed to do at christmas time and spent the holiday praising our Savior. instead i found comfort in anything that felt like home...Christmas music, soda, red jello, and the emails and cards you sent me. but, believe it or not, my Christmas eve meal of rice and beans to the tune of "White Christmas" just didn't fill that hole in my heart. oddly enough i don't even think a hug from my mama could have completely filled it. i needed Jesus; but i was too lonely and depressed that i was in Sudan over Christmas to realize it. i put on my smile and preached the Christmas service at wadupe on Christmas day. i preached about "coming back" to Jesus if we have gone astray. i talked about how the wise men and kings humbled themselves and bowed to a baby in a manger. i said that as we start the new year we should start it on the path that God has made for us, by "coming back" to and following Jesus, and christians we should be like the star above the manger showing those who are "afar" the way to Jesus. but i preached all this with emptiness in my own heart. i wasn't buying what i was selling. i wasn't "coming back."
sometimes we just need that star to show us the way back. i was able to hand this kid the only gift he got this christmas from you, the only family he had this christmas. this smile was the star i needed. he showed me the way back to the manger. through all the loneliness and homesickness i saw Jesus in his eyes. as St. Augustine says, we should desire the Lord Himself not just His blessings. as i handed out hundreds of cards at wadupe and at Harvesters orphanage the fact that i was away from all the pumpkin pies, snowy nights, cheesey christmas movies, and my family stung a little less. all those blessings i once knew i could now lay at the Lord's feet, for i had, as the shepherds, wisemen, and kings of long ago, seen the messiah.
"i cried to the Lord with my voice. many cry to the Lord that they may win riches, that they may avoid losses; they cry that thier family may be established, they ask for temporal hapiness, for worldly dignities; and, lastly, they cry for bodily health, which is the patrimony of the poor. for these and suchlike things many cry to the Lord; hardly one cries for the Lord himself! how easy it is for a man to desire all manner of things from the Lord and yet not desire the Lord himself! as though the gift could be sweeter than the giver!"---St. Augustine; taken from "On Prayer and the Contemplative Life" by St. Thomas Aquinas.
sometimes we just need that star to show us the way back. i was able to hand this kid the only gift he got this christmas from you, the only family he had this christmas. this smile was the star i needed. he showed me the way back to the manger. through all the loneliness and homesickness i saw Jesus in his eyes. as St. Augustine says, we should desire the Lord Himself not just His blessings. as i handed out hundreds of cards at wadupe and at Harvesters orphanage the fact that i was away from all the pumpkin pies, snowy nights, cheesey christmas movies, and my family stung a little less. all those blessings i once knew i could now lay at the Lord's feet, for i had, as the shepherds, wisemen, and kings of long ago, seen the messiah.i told the people at wadupe and the orphanage that there were hundreds of people at home that wanted the sudanese to know that they are loved and prayed for. one sweet kid at the orphanage, after receiving her card said to me, "thank you meesta beel (mr bill) and we pray for you too." i tell you this as a messenger from the sudanese to you. all of the smiles and thank yous that i was blessed by will be waiting for you in heaven. i deeply thank you for sending me over a thousand christmas cards to give to the wonderful sudanese. every single card was delivered to a very happy man, woman, or child.
Greetings from Sudan:
--your greetings are received. i greet you. God bless you. Galatians 3:27-28--Marchello Lugala
--we receive your christmas greetings. let this spirit of communication continue. 1corinthians 13:4-7--Grace Ngusuman
--i receive your greetings. i thought we were alone, meanwhile we are with you in Christ. i don't have gifts but let God bless you.--Joseph Andrew
--i send my greetings to all of you in the church in america. we are praying for you so that we have a relationship in prayer. John 15:4--Joseph and Betty
--i am by name pastor Rufus Anyibu wishing you in America merry Christmas and happy new year. peace to the brethren, and love with faith in Lord Jesus Christ. grace be with all those who love our Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity, Amen--pastor Rufus Anyibu (my dear friend).
my friends, whatever your christmas star may be thank God for it, and follow it back to the manger, back to the beginning of it all, the birth of our Savior and Lord. it is possible to live even without the wonderful things of christmas time if we have love and grace from our father. in fact, it is life more abundant.
i personally thank all those who prayed for me and my family this christmas. and once again, thank you for all the wonderful cards. please, also remember all the missionaries who, like myself, spent this christmas with the people they serve. love you all and Merry Christmas.
